It took me a very stressful pregnancy plus six months of therapy to figure this out.
I used to always think I needed to focus on the positive. “What are three good things?” “Re-frame my thinking to see the positive” and “Everything happens for a reason” were all standard quotes that came out of my mouth. It wasn’t until my high risk pregnancy that I tossed those all to the side in realizing “eff that. This sucks and I’m sick of pretending I’m okay.”
I had to learn to let my guard down. I had to be vulnerable. I had to lean on my support system, realizing I had worked so hard to be others’ support system I really didn’t have my own. I had to admit that I wasn’t okay, that this sucked, it wasn’t fair, I was scared and feared the future. But it wasn’t until I sought therapy following my son’s open heart surgery that I realized I had PTSD from all the trauma, that’s right - trauma, that I had endured in the last year.
I always thought trauma was the big, bold, kind that take you by the hand when you survive some crazy accident, or fight overseas in a war, but it can also be the kind that is built up over years of undiagnosed anxiety, and a high-risk pregnancy filled with unknowns.
All of this to say, it’s okay to not be okay. And I want you to hear this now, instead of trying to come to this realization after months of “suck”. Mental health is so important, get someone to help you through your trials, just like you’d find a physical trainer at the gym if you’re trying to start a new exercise plan. Find a licensed professional, or at the very least a friend who will listen, or someone who has been there and can help you see the other side of this mountain you’re scaling. You don’t have to do it alone, and you should never do it alone.
I want you to remember that your mental health is just as important as your physical. Don’t neglect it and try to cover it up with positivity. Find someone who can help - I’m always here if you need me